How to Attract a Man: Perspective for the female reader and lessons for the male reader

29 Jul

It is a breach of journalistic etiquette and form to informally address the reader using sheer opinion and refutable evidence, thus any good writer is ambivalent to say the least when it comes to writing a column.  Having said that, I hope that you, the reader, will forgive me, the author; for this “Note From the Editor,” as it were.


People are by nature, fickle, insecure, hypocritical, superficial and narcissistic.  We are capable of achieving and creating greatness and yet too inhibited and scared to ever know our own true potential and/or greatness.

If this reads as I intend to write it, it will help, at least to a degree, the reader, to either find someone to love or at least find someone who loves her.

A few semesters into college, I walked into my seconds class, “Logic: Argumentation.”  Being an oppositional, antoganistic human being, I expected to achieve greatness in this course.  I was, as always among the first to arrive to class.  I surveyed the room, approximately 40 desk/chair apparatuses were laid out in the form of a square with the professor’s desk and the whiteboard about 7 feet from the front, center desk.

Naturally, one instinctively notices the desk that is front and center, when I glanced at it, there was a young woman seating herself at the very one.  I went through all the subconscious calculations that one experiences when sizing up another person upon seeing them for the first time.  She was well dressed, young looking– perhaps 19.  Her eyes were almond shaped, borderline Asianic; “Russian?”  I wondered to myself.

Her eyes were a very unique brown in colour, not the usual, generic type, but a light chocolate brown with a warm, golden, honey glow that radiated from them.

She was well dressed, pale, makeup, hair and eyeliner pristine.   Beneath the long purple peacoat that protected her from the harsh winter weather, she was wearing a black skirt and a white blouse, un-creased and with a perfect, pressed look.  Her clothes fit her healthy, 5′ frame in a perfect manner, they were not tight and tasteless, they were not loose and carelessly flung onto her person.

I seated myself at a tangential angle one row behind, so that if ever we were learning something that I already knew, I could see her perfectly, but unobserved.

As the semester went on, we noticed each other.  That is all that could be said of our interactions.  Later in the semester she mentioned that she saw me walking back from the grocery store; I wondered if she lived with her parents or if she, like myself and like very few other students, had her own apartment.

Every morning we sat in the same classroom, virtually alone.  Every morning, I read my newspaper and when turning the page, stole a glance at her.

About mid-semester she changed her hair to blond.  It was an interesting change, but not a natural one and in my opinion, detracted from her appeal.

Toward the end of the semester she walked into the classroom looking disheveled and carrying a tennis racket, her shoes were a bright pink and somehow, on her they were the most adorable thing I had ever seen on anyone; so much so, that after class I asked her shyly, nervously and maybe even awkwardly, if she would go for coffee with me, hoping at best for her company for a few minutes.

Without further narrative, let me explain that she was, and is the most amazing girl I had ever bought coffee for and that the investment was worth the price as were all the future ones to follow.

Did I love her at first sight?  No.

Did I love her after the 200th?  I lost count, but probably.

Was I scared to ask her out?  Certainly.

What was the first thing we discussed over coffee, philosophy?  Science?  Literature?  No.  She said, “my head hurts, I think I might have this thing my neighbour had that made her paralysed.”  I did not know how to react to that, but you must admit, it is a hell of an opening line and makes up for her lack of proficiency in all the former topics.


Look ladies, it sounds like a cliche, but my point is that the important thing is to be yourself.  A very polished version of yourself if you want to make a good impression, but for what it’s worth, that does not mean putting  on an act, that does not mean modeling yourself after celebrities.  You really have nothing to do, no responsibility, no effort to put in, if you want someone to like or be attracted to you.

Gentlemen, you never know until you ask.  It is that simple.  I would suggest a little more gusto than I had at the time, remember that as nice as they look and as great as they may be, as worth it as they are, so are you.  Confidence, confidence, confidence.  Once you have them, work to keep them, work on yourself, work to respect them and do not dwell on your losses.  Move on and remember that if she is happy, the likeliness is that you will be too.


Maybe you are not looking for love, I know I was not, my life was thriving in that area and I happened to pick the one person who made me happy just to deal with relationship stress and turbulence.  The person who was able to give me the perspective to say, “maybe once I am happy with someone it is worth putting in the effort to improve myself, rather than moving on to the next person.  Maybe excitement is possible daily with one person, rather than seeking cheap excitement by cycling from one to the next.”


It may seem like I took the easy way out by not just listing steps on how you can improve yourself, but I assure you and I hope you trust me on this, no self-improvement article could ever give you advice better than what I have told you.  I will outline the three basic ideas: Be yourself, be confident and if need be, buy some pink shoes.


 “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone”

Ella Wheeler Wilcox




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