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Top Ten: Socially Unacceptable Ways to Stay Entertained at Chain and Department Stores and Shopping Malls

4 Jun

Does your significant other drag you to shop with him/her?  Do you get tired of saying, “yes dear, it looks great.” monotonously?  Do you just like making people uncomfortable?  Do you have some other excuse for reading this list?  Well here are some ways to spice up your shopping trip and maybe get you screamed at, but that’s okay because you will be entertained.

 

 

  • Number 10:

Grab a shopping cart, run down an aisle with it and hang on as it carries you.  Optional: Merrily exclaim, “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

 

 

  • Number 9:

If the store has a pharmacy and home goods such as miscellaneous cookware, ask where you could find anti-psychotics or anti-depressants….  And a butcher knife.

 

 

  • Number 8

If it is a clothing store, try on clothes for the opposite gender and ask sales associates how you look.  Extra points if they don’t try to flatter you.

 

 

  • Number 7

For men: Look for a store like Victoria’s Secret, walk up to the front counter or the nearest sales associate and say, “I have a gig tonight, gotta make sure my guitar is set, where do you keep your G-strings?”  Extra points if you just say the last bit while displaying a guitar without a g string.

For women: Walk into a video game store, when someone approaches you and is about to speak, sales associate or customer; start laughing uncontrollably and then walk out.  Extra points if you roll on the floor as you laugh maniacally.

 

 

  • Number 6

When an announcement is made on the loudspeaker crouch, hold your ears and say, “oh no, the voices, they are back.”

 

 

  • Number 5

Hide in a prominent clothing rack.  When someone examines the displayed garments, say in a disappointed tone, “Aww, you found me.”

 

 

  • Number 4:

Tell the security office or customer support desk to page your relative, when they ask for the name, give them yours.  Extra points if you grin and proclaim, “Here I is!”

 

 

  • Number 3

Pick up a phone in the cell phone store and have a heated argument with your country’s leader, or better yet; the leader of a foreign country.  If people look at you strangely, look around and stage whisper, “Hang on, this is no longer a secure line.”

 

 

  • Number 2:

Smell everything in the store.  Extra points if you do this to the people working there.

 

 

  • Number 1:

Try wearing things that aren’t clothing.  Fancy soap, books, chocolates etc.  Be creative, these things can be anything, not just a hat.

 

Well, that was our impromptu list, if anyone takes this terrible advice, please videotape it.

If we get enough submissions there will be a contest with some sort of prize.

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